Tuesday, March 31, 2009
ok it has been such a long long time since i last posted. i am practically rotting at home everyday with nothing to do. or rather if people knew what i have been doing, they will probably think i am ridiculous..
ok, so i received a letter not too long ago shortlisting me for the medicine interview, and i have been preparing like mad ever since. Thoughts of it just cant seem to leave my mind, thinking about the setting sends shivers up my spine. its really too soon.. next mon. oh god help me. haha. please let me pull through. the research interview was a total flop, didnt like the feeling at all, cant imagine that it will be 7 times worse. but i guess i should be starting soon, haven't received their emails yet though. =x
the essay test is on next wed, wonder why cant we cant write on laptops, i swear i can think better writing on microsoft word. i dunno why but i just think better. haha. ok lets not talk about all this stressful stuff.
went out for dinner to celebrate my mama's bdae. haha. omg, today i had 2 shocking experiences, one of which i think will shock the rest of you too. ok. i felt like i was in a jack neo film just now at the coffeeshop eating. just a single "CARPARK LAI LIAO!", then there was a mad rush of people dashing for their vehicles, and poof the carpark was empty in a few seconds. it was damn fast. i pity the carpark attendant. =x haha.
the next incident was just just disgustingly gross. i stepped on a lizard, & its intestines came squishing out. I WAS BAREFOOT. oh my god, i am still feeling the trauma. honestly, i don care if a lizard or cockroach dash across the room in front of me, but it's something else when i am STEPPING on it. and yea.. i screamed of course. like a mad woman, i still cant get the feeling out of my bones. oh gross.
ok ok. better stop thinking about it. haha. went on an "Escape" date last weekend. after having been to genting theme park, escape is like peanuts. if it werent for my nebo price & the complimentary tickets, i would have felt that the trip was seriously not worth it. heh. thanks for the happy day, & the pink cap. :D i think i look okay in caps, even if it is pink. & oh the lady at escape theme park thought i was 16, & she almost didnt allow me to drive the go kart. HELLO. i am like on my way to getting a licence already ok. haha. oh then we went for a movie, cos apparently escape cant last the whole day, it lasted only 2 hours for us. lolz. we watched "Confessions of a Shopaholic". not too bad a movie. lots of nice clothes on screen. hahaz. Then i went shopping for my black pants. eventually, i managed to buy it. though it needs alteration cos i am too short. but i like the snug feeling at the waist, fits me to a t, if not for the length.
& speaking of driving. i am pleased at my progress. yippie. should be able to get it over & done with by may. whether i can pass the first time is another thing all together la. hahaha. but i am hoping i can pass the first time. but i guess if i really fail, i wont feel that sad. i might feel relieved, cos that's one less hazard on the roads. haha.
i am such a pig, eating & sleeping all day long. tomorrow is gonna be a busy busy day. settling my portfolio & submitting it to NUS. then there's driving. hee. after settling this portfolio stuff, i think i can relax a little & worry about the interview & the essay. should i fail (choy choy choy) haha, i am mentally prepared. of course i am not going with the mentality that i will fail, just harbouring the possibility. for once in her life, xiangjun may not always get her first choice. haha.
it isnt that i always get my first choice lor, its that i always choose within my means.
ok. gotta go drink my orange juice. a cup a day keeps the doctor (& the toxins) away. :)
ok, so i received a letter not too long ago shortlisting me for the medicine interview, and i have been preparing like mad ever since. Thoughts of it just cant seem to leave my mind, thinking about the setting sends shivers up my spine. its really too soon.. next mon. oh god help me. haha. please let me pull through. the research interview was a total flop, didnt like the feeling at all, cant imagine that it will be 7 times worse. but i guess i should be starting soon, haven't received their emails yet though. =x
the essay test is on next wed, wonder why cant we cant write on laptops, i swear i can think better writing on microsoft word. i dunno why but i just think better. haha. ok lets not talk about all this stressful stuff.
went out for dinner to celebrate my mama's bdae. haha. omg, today i had 2 shocking experiences, one of which i think will shock the rest of you too. ok. i felt like i was in a jack neo film just now at the coffeeshop eating. just a single "CARPARK LAI LIAO!", then there was a mad rush of people dashing for their vehicles, and poof the carpark was empty in a few seconds. it was damn fast. i pity the carpark attendant. =x haha.
the next incident was just just disgustingly gross. i stepped on a lizard, & its intestines came squishing out. I WAS BAREFOOT. oh my god, i am still feeling the trauma. honestly, i don care if a lizard or cockroach dash across the room in front of me, but it's something else when i am STEPPING on it. and yea.. i screamed of course. like a mad woman, i still cant get the feeling out of my bones. oh gross.
ok ok. better stop thinking about it. haha. went on an "Escape" date last weekend. after having been to genting theme park, escape is like peanuts. if it werent for my nebo price & the complimentary tickets, i would have felt that the trip was seriously not worth it. heh. thanks for the happy day, & the pink cap. :D i think i look okay in caps, even if it is pink. & oh the lady at escape theme park thought i was 16, & she almost didnt allow me to drive the go kart. HELLO. i am like on my way to getting a licence already ok. haha. oh then we went for a movie, cos apparently escape cant last the whole day, it lasted only 2 hours for us. lolz. we watched "Confessions of a Shopaholic". not too bad a movie. lots of nice clothes on screen. hahaz. Then i went shopping for my black pants. eventually, i managed to buy it. though it needs alteration cos i am too short. but i like the snug feeling at the waist, fits me to a t, if not for the length.
& speaking of driving. i am pleased at my progress. yippie. should be able to get it over & done with by may. whether i can pass the first time is another thing all together la. hahaha. but i am hoping i can pass the first time. but i guess if i really fail, i wont feel that sad. i might feel relieved, cos that's one less hazard on the roads. haha.
i am such a pig, eating & sleeping all day long. tomorrow is gonna be a busy busy day. settling my portfolio & submitting it to NUS. then there's driving. hee. after settling this portfolio stuff, i think i can relax a little & worry about the interview & the essay. should i fail (choy choy choy) haha, i am mentally prepared. of course i am not going with the mentality that i will fail, just harbouring the possibility. for once in her life, xiangjun may not always get her first choice. haha.
it isnt that i always get my first choice lor, its that i always choose within my means.
ok. gotta go drink my orange juice. a cup a day keeps the doctor (& the toxins) away. :)
9:26 PM
Thursday, March 19, 2009
a few days ago, i stared at this space not knowing what to write. & this window closed along with all my other windows, that had youtube/nus/ntu/random websites. haha. and i just realise that the last post was on friday the 13th.
weekends were spent at nus/ntu open houses. a fruitful trip in my opinion. :) this is because of shangfei & xiuwen's sisters. they made the open house much more personal instead of the corporate "selling" style that it would have been. well. saw the universities in a new light. & i realise it's not all hip & high as it appears on those promotion videos. i must say i think both hostels look decent & pleasant to me. really. except that if i am going to nus, i probably won't be staying in the halls. mainly because of the fact that i have to sleep alone or with someone i don't even know. if i am going to ntu.. i'd probably stay if i can find a roommate. haha. ok blame myself for being a scaredy-cat. but i don't trust myself to overcome this fear that easily.
hmm. have been stressing over courses/schools. parental pressure is subtle yet present. it's like they say "i am not stressing you" but drop so many hints with comments like "oh.. have u applied for this this this scholarship?" & "nus is really better than ntu"(which is a v myopic statement imo) & although i don't take them seriously, but it is somehow affecting my decision making process.. =x because i care about how they feel about my choice. & i know choosing nus over ntu won't kill me.
blah. ok ok. but i guess i am more or less decided. just that i really really wish for life to settle down. haha. omg. sounds like i wan to get married & have a family. i mean university life. all these uncertainties now is horrible. it's like i wont know whether i am up to it or not or what the course is like until i am in it right?
well. mon & tues, went driving lessons. those last minute book one. hahah. trying to last minute book for today. but no slot. :( hope other ppl quickly cancel. tue was auto lesson. omg. it's really v easy, makes me regret not taking auto. :( it's like u don't have to care abt the stupid clutch. & stopping on the hill wont make u roll back. & i even went up to 60km/h. & the instructor took me to try the ramp. & he was stunned that i could control my vehicle as though i have done it before. haha. & tried the S course (which he asked me to just drive intuitively.. never even teach me technique, just "ping gan jue") & the crank course. haha. a relaxing lesson. he just reminded me to remember abt the clutch in my next manual lesson. which i hope is today.
wed went for my first day of work. at suntec.. for the food fair. it was... haha. kinda sian. abit of screw ups. like the first cup of drink was so damn saturated.. it was like drinking pure orange syrup. pity the first customer. & the chicken chop was so damn salty. but otherwise everything else was great. the peking duck roll is damn nice man. haha. tested one piece. which is otherwise worth 1 buck? the whole box of 6 costs 6 bucks. but still got people buy. & then towards the end of the shift, there was a lot of price cuts.. & free drink. cos nobody buy. honestly, if i attended the food fair, i wouldnt buy too. cos there were so much nicer food out there. there was katong laksa, nyonya cuisine, thai sharksfin, kueh pietee, pie kia, satay, otah.. the list is never-ending. but because of the poor response, i didn't have to go for work today & tmr.
ahh. got lesson! haha i am in luck. but i had to cancel one of my apr lesson to book for today's. -.- i tink i am crazy. suddenly having second thoughts.. -.- but aiya since cancelled already.. =x feeling the pinch.. maybe i should have gone private. it's really heartwrenching lor.. it's like spending 2000 plus just for driving. i better pass the 1st time. :( although i don pay for myself la.. hmm.. & my uni fee. i feel that i am a hard person to maintain. :x & thinking of my unemployed situation now.. ah.. i want my scholarship! hmm.
i should take more tuition classes. & stop being a lazy bum. but nobody to tutor. i don wanna tutor own relatives, it's like earning my own people's money.. hmm.. but i feel less bad, because besides my driving, i'm currently living off myself, not that i have much to spend anyway. i shop like once per year.
weekends were spent at nus/ntu open houses. a fruitful trip in my opinion. :) this is because of shangfei & xiuwen's sisters. they made the open house much more personal instead of the corporate "selling" style that it would have been. well. saw the universities in a new light. & i realise it's not all hip & high as it appears on those promotion videos. i must say i think both hostels look decent & pleasant to me. really. except that if i am going to nus, i probably won't be staying in the halls. mainly because of the fact that i have to sleep alone or with someone i don't even know. if i am going to ntu.. i'd probably stay if i can find a roommate. haha. ok blame myself for being a scaredy-cat. but i don't trust myself to overcome this fear that easily.
hmm. have been stressing over courses/schools. parental pressure is subtle yet present. it's like they say "i am not stressing you" but drop so many hints with comments like "oh.. have u applied for this this this scholarship?" & "nus is really better than ntu"(which is a v myopic statement imo) & although i don't take them seriously, but it is somehow affecting my decision making process.. =x because i care about how they feel about my choice. & i know choosing nus over ntu won't kill me.
blah. ok ok. but i guess i am more or less decided. just that i really really wish for life to settle down. haha. omg. sounds like i wan to get married & have a family. i mean university life. all these uncertainties now is horrible. it's like i wont know whether i am up to it or not or what the course is like until i am in it right?
well. mon & tues, went driving lessons. those last minute book one. hahah. trying to last minute book for today. but no slot. :( hope other ppl quickly cancel. tue was auto lesson. omg. it's really v easy, makes me regret not taking auto. :( it's like u don't have to care abt the stupid clutch. & stopping on the hill wont make u roll back. & i even went up to 60km/h. & the instructor took me to try the ramp. & he was stunned that i could control my vehicle as though i have done it before. haha. & tried the S course (which he asked me to just drive intuitively.. never even teach me technique, just "ping gan jue") & the crank course. haha. a relaxing lesson. he just reminded me to remember abt the clutch in my next manual lesson. which i hope is today.
wed went for my first day of work. at suntec.. for the food fair. it was... haha. kinda sian. abit of screw ups. like the first cup of drink was so damn saturated.. it was like drinking pure orange syrup. pity the first customer. & the chicken chop was so damn salty. but otherwise everything else was great. the peking duck roll is damn nice man. haha. tested one piece. which is otherwise worth 1 buck? the whole box of 6 costs 6 bucks. but still got people buy. & then towards the end of the shift, there was a lot of price cuts.. & free drink. cos nobody buy. honestly, if i attended the food fair, i wouldnt buy too. cos there were so much nicer food out there. there was katong laksa, nyonya cuisine, thai sharksfin, kueh pietee, pie kia, satay, otah.. the list is never-ending. but because of the poor response, i didn't have to go for work today & tmr.
ahh. got lesson! haha i am in luck. but i had to cancel one of my apr lesson to book for today's. -.- i tink i am crazy. suddenly having second thoughts.. -.- but aiya since cancelled already.. =x feeling the pinch.. maybe i should have gone private. it's really heartwrenching lor.. it's like spending 2000 plus just for driving. i better pass the 1st time. :( although i don pay for myself la.. hmm.. & my uni fee. i feel that i am a hard person to maintain. :x & thinking of my unemployed situation now.. ah.. i want my scholarship! hmm.
i should take more tuition classes. & stop being a lazy bum. but nobody to tutor. i don wanna tutor own relatives, it's like earning my own people's money.. hmm.. but i feel less bad, because besides my driving, i'm currently living off myself, not that i have much to spend anyway. i shop like once per year.
11:20 AM
Friday, March 13, 2009
i am in such a mess. my brain is such a gooey mess.
i think i need a change. i need a total makeover, inside out. to stop hiding in my tortoise shell, and to go all out to pursue a dream, any dream.
i realize how bad it is. to be a person without dreams. it's worse than being a person who has dreams but just can't get them. i have results that many will covet for.. i feel as if i don't deserve these results. they should go to those people, who have goals, who have ambitions to fulfill, and all they need is just a little something that will open doors for them.
whereas i am here in a room revolving around open doors. but i just refuse to set my heart on that one door. i am still in a mess thinking of what a future i want, at this point in time, i feel so useless. why am i so afraid to just decide on what i want? it's not like i refuse to think. perhaps it will be easier to not think so much. i just don't want to have any regrets.
sigh. scholarships are for people who are really set on their life path, not for people like me.
i want to be able to impact other people's lives, i don't want to be a self-centered monster, or a cowardly tortoise who is afraid of going out & meeting people. its hard to change, but i swear i am going to try.
i think i need a change. i need a total makeover, inside out. to stop hiding in my tortoise shell, and to go all out to pursue a dream, any dream.
i realize how bad it is. to be a person without dreams. it's worse than being a person who has dreams but just can't get them. i have results that many will covet for.. i feel as if i don't deserve these results. they should go to those people, who have goals, who have ambitions to fulfill, and all they need is just a little something that will open doors for them.
whereas i am here in a room revolving around open doors. but i just refuse to set my heart on that one door. i am still in a mess thinking of what a future i want, at this point in time, i feel so useless. why am i so afraid to just decide on what i want? it's not like i refuse to think. perhaps it will be easier to not think so much. i just don't want to have any regrets.
sigh. scholarships are for people who are really set on their life path, not for people like me.
i want to be able to impact other people's lives, i don't want to be a self-centered monster, or a cowardly tortoise who is afraid of going out & meeting people. its hard to change, but i swear i am going to try.
4:24 PM
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
aloha.. that's hawaiin for hello. haha. i heard that from hi-5 just now. oh my goodness. i simply have too much time on my hands, to spend it watching okto. actually i just happen to prefer watching okto than those super ancient tv programmes on channel 8, in which the images are so blurry and fuzzy & their dialogues are dubbed.
ya. so after such a long wait, results came & went. the anxiety during the whole lot of speeches. didnt really noe wad to expect, was worried about certain subjects. but eventually it all came & went. & now here comes the problem of deciding which course, which uni.. omg. the thinking never seems to cease.
oh bother. ok so i fell ill on sunday, how timely. so i didnt really put much thought in wad i want to study. have made some general decisions before the results were released. but now comes the time of really deciding. oh man. "spoilt for choices" would fit the bill now. there are simply too many options for study, be it local or overseas. & totally aggravated by my fickle minded personality. ah. man.
my brain is a lump of tissues now, nothing seems to be connecting. -.-
i guess i really regret not working hard for gp. i admit i really flop it. -.- haha. not caring to read the news at all, not even bothering to read up on the readings and all. i guess. so i am trying to make sure my sis don't follow my path, to make up for what i didnt do for myself, i suppose, just to feel a bit better. & so she shall be the scholar, for i feel that i have slim chances of getting any. lol. with my profile like that, it wont be easy.
i feel like i am at a crossroad with so many paths, most of which have no u-turn signs. oh man. its all ahead now. time just cannot "u-turn" no matter how much i wish it can.
ya. so after such a long wait, results came & went. the anxiety during the whole lot of speeches. didnt really noe wad to expect, was worried about certain subjects. but eventually it all came & went. & now here comes the problem of deciding which course, which uni.. omg. the thinking never seems to cease.
oh bother. ok so i fell ill on sunday, how timely. so i didnt really put much thought in wad i want to study. have made some general decisions before the results were released. but now comes the time of really deciding. oh man. "spoilt for choices" would fit the bill now. there are simply too many options for study, be it local or overseas. & totally aggravated by my fickle minded personality. ah. man.
my brain is a lump of tissues now, nothing seems to be connecting. -.-
i guess i really regret not working hard for gp. i admit i really flop it. -.- haha. not caring to read the news at all, not even bothering to read up on the readings and all. i guess. so i am trying to make sure my sis don't follow my path, to make up for what i didnt do for myself, i suppose, just to feel a bit better. & so she shall be the scholar, for i feel that i have slim chances of getting any. lol. with my profile like that, it wont be easy.
i feel like i am at a crossroad with so many paths, most of which have no u-turn signs. oh man. its all ahead now. time just cannot "u-turn" no matter how much i wish it can.
12:45 PM
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
what is it about a period that makes a woman so bitchy?
it's not that we get bitchier, it's that having a period makes us all tired and achy that we have less tolerance for the crap that we normally suffer in silence.
i read that from a book. and i can relate. =/ what is it that makes us get all prickly over stuff that we normally wouldnt have bothered about? or rather stuff that bugs us just that we refuse to address it. i wouldnt say suffer, that will be a little bit extreme.
sigh. all i ask for is understanding.
i guess i cant expect all my boyfriends to be psychologists. no matter how much i wish they are, and one that specializes in my type of psychology. -.-
ah heck.
going to waste my time away. bye.
it's not that we get bitchier, it's that having a period makes us all tired and achy that we have less tolerance for the crap that we normally suffer in silence.
i read that from a book. and i can relate. =/ what is it that makes us get all prickly over stuff that we normally wouldnt have bothered about? or rather stuff that bugs us just that we refuse to address it. i wouldnt say suffer, that will be a little bit extreme.
sigh. all i ask for is understanding.
i guess i cant expect all my boyfriends to be psychologists. no matter how much i wish they are, and one that specializes in my type of psychology. -.-
ah heck.
going to waste my time away. bye.
10:35 AM
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
my second day of being officially unemployed. wondering if i should go find a job. yet i dread trying to find yet another meaningless job. staying at home has its pluses. you don't have to spend that much. free food at home, free of msg also.
i haven't been doing much. no i shouldn't say that. i did alot actually, stuff that i have been wanting to do for ages but i just haven't gotten down to actually doing them. I went jogging, i was surprised that i could rip myself from the blanket. but yea i did. then i came home & did housework. :) and went to teach tuition. that wasn't a bad first day of being jobless. haha. but today was just.. haha tv and tv. no more housework to do. plans to jog was thwarted by the heavy rain. super humongous. -.-
& prepared tuition materials. going to use the com for a while before i leave to go for my driving lesson. my 5 th lesson i think. had 3 instructors so far, but i thought that only 1 of them taught ok. my progress is still pretty slow i guess. =/ i seem to have more confidence on the road than in the circuit which is weird, because most people are the other way round.
actually i dunno wad to feel. haha. having mixed feelings. half of me enjoy this stay home and rot feeling, while part of me feel that its a waste of time. no friends to hang out with either, cos all of them are working. so it's really me & just me. would really love to go shopping sometimes, but i hate going alone. but i don't think i wanna get another job & delude myself that i am actually learning something, but hey, what am i actually learning?
what's the fluster with growing up? why the urgency to get out there to slog our asses off for other people? :(
anyway, i guess i have decided to just stay home just for this month, at least till A level results are released. before i actively go & get a job. am waiting for the interview for research attachment anyway, and if all goes well, i hope i get it. then i will really be doing something meaningful.
getting the jitters about the results. haha. nonchalent as i may seem. but i am really worried. =x i am afraid i guess. of disappointment, horrible feeling. :S
i haven't been doing much. no i shouldn't say that. i did alot actually, stuff that i have been wanting to do for ages but i just haven't gotten down to actually doing them. I went jogging, i was surprised that i could rip myself from the blanket. but yea i did. then i came home & did housework. :) and went to teach tuition. that wasn't a bad first day of being jobless. haha. but today was just.. haha tv and tv. no more housework to do. plans to jog was thwarted by the heavy rain. super humongous. -.-
& prepared tuition materials. going to use the com for a while before i leave to go for my driving lesson. my 5 th lesson i think. had 3 instructors so far, but i thought that only 1 of them taught ok. my progress is still pretty slow i guess. =/ i seem to have more confidence on the road than in the circuit which is weird, because most people are the other way round.
actually i dunno wad to feel. haha. having mixed feelings. half of me enjoy this stay home and rot feeling, while part of me feel that its a waste of time. no friends to hang out with either, cos all of them are working. so it's really me & just me. would really love to go shopping sometimes, but i hate going alone. but i don't think i wanna get another job & delude myself that i am actually learning something, but hey, what am i actually learning?
what's the fluster with growing up? why the urgency to get out there to slog our asses off for other people? :(
anyway, i guess i have decided to just stay home just for this month, at least till A level results are released. before i actively go & get a job. am waiting for the interview for research attachment anyway, and if all goes well, i hope i get it. then i will really be doing something meaningful.
getting the jitters about the results. haha. nonchalent as i may seem. but i am really worried. =x i am afraid i guess. of disappointment, horrible feeling. :S
12:42 PM
