Tuesday, February 24, 2009
i am in one of those "i woke up on the wrong side of the bed" moods again. recently, i have been in a mental and emotional battle with myself. at times, i am really genuinely happy. but sometimes i can laugh but really feel like crying. nothing is wrong with my life, nothing wrong with my relationship. but i just don feel satisfied. i probably just hate this kind of a lifestyle. i realise i really have a strong inertia towards major changes. i am ok with small changes like my hair style or whatever. but if u want me to change myself, for example to stop dreading work and take it positively, i really take a long time to adapt. Honestly, even during this last week of work i still cannot start loving coming to work, or at least stop hating it enough to drag myself out of bed early. i managed it yesterday.. and today it is the same thing all over again. was really pissed off with the cupboard door, which fell. it is not the first time it came off. and the mess in the wardrobe. it's packed with all the clothes that i will NEVER wear, even at home. i wonder why it is still there. ugh.
And its not like i love being a pig. but whenever i organize the cupboard, it just becomes back to square one again. and my mum's constant nagging about keeping the clothes is not helping. i know it is very ungrateful of me to grouch about this. but i just aiya, i don't understand the flow of things done in my household. there's no fixed routine. everything is just done haphazardly. no chores assign, we do things when we feel like it. which probably explains the state of the house. and for god knows how many new years we have been trying to change all this, but it is never successful. i think we need zhong qing to come and help us, just like how they help ppl in the variety program to clean up the house.
ok i just spent the whole entry complaining. but i am really really envious of people who have nice clean and spacious houses.
i realise it's not the cupboard door that pissed me off this morning. but it is really myself that i am pissed with. the cupboard door just happen to be something i could blame. oh man, i really hate this.
an inferior complex, that is what i hate most about myself. it's really time to move out of my comfort zone.
did something radical, at least for my standards it is radical. i am just hoping for once, things will really go my way. i really should stop living in self denial and stop thinking too much. no more As to mug and fret over, yet i dont noe what the hell i am so uptight about.
have u ever felt so bad about your appearance that you just want to crawl back into bed?
have u ever stood squashed like a tuna in the mrt and gripping your hands to will yourself through the journey?
have u ever heard voices in your head arguing but u just want to shut them up and go to sleep?
have u ever felt so happy that u doubt that this happiness is a delusion?
have u ever stared at the ceiling and toss and turn in bed but just cannot sleep, even if u are really v exhausted?
on a lighter note, driving yesterday left me with another sense of accomplishment. went out on the road. :) great experience, though i really have to brush up on my braking. haha i always stop too far off or overshoot the stop line. looking forward to the next lesson. which is tomorrow. hope that i am not over-rushing things. but i have heard of friends who take like 2 lessons in a row in a day. so i guess i am pretty ok?
And its not like i love being a pig. but whenever i organize the cupboard, it just becomes back to square one again. and my mum's constant nagging about keeping the clothes is not helping. i know it is very ungrateful of me to grouch about this. but i just aiya, i don't understand the flow of things done in my household. there's no fixed routine. everything is just done haphazardly. no chores assign, we do things when we feel like it. which probably explains the state of the house. and for god knows how many new years we have been trying to change all this, but it is never successful. i think we need zhong qing to come and help us, just like how they help ppl in the variety program to clean up the house.
ok i just spent the whole entry complaining. but i am really really envious of people who have nice clean and spacious houses.
i realise it's not the cupboard door that pissed me off this morning. but it is really myself that i am pissed with. the cupboard door just happen to be something i could blame. oh man, i really hate this.
an inferior complex, that is what i hate most about myself. it's really time to move out of my comfort zone.
did something radical, at least for my standards it is radical. i am just hoping for once, things will really go my way. i really should stop living in self denial and stop thinking too much. no more As to mug and fret over, yet i dont noe what the hell i am so uptight about.
have u ever felt so bad about your appearance that you just want to crawl back into bed?
have u ever stood squashed like a tuna in the mrt and gripping your hands to will yourself through the journey?
have u ever heard voices in your head arguing but u just want to shut them up and go to sleep?
have u ever felt so happy that u doubt that this happiness is a delusion?
have u ever stared at the ceiling and toss and turn in bed but just cannot sleep, even if u are really v exhausted?
on a lighter note, driving yesterday left me with another sense of accomplishment. went out on the road. :) great experience, though i really have to brush up on my braking. haha i always stop too far off or overshoot the stop line. looking forward to the next lesson. which is tomorrow. hope that i am not over-rushing things. but i have heard of friends who take like 2 lessons in a row in a day. so i guess i am pretty ok?
4:24 PM
